Whoo Hooo…..

I’m finally back to exploring some art classes and using my paints. I feel like I’ve been separated from my paints for too long. It has, however, been a good break. I was able to explore using inks in Inktober so that was good.

I haven’t gotten much further with my last ink drawing. Here is my progress so far:

This one is taking a while which I don’t mind. I would rather take my time than rush through something and be unhappy with the results. That isn’t to say I’ll be happy with the results when I take my time but at least I know I will have given it my full attention. There is nothing worse than completing a project and knowing I could have done better if I hadn’t rushed through it.

This journal first started out to be just about my art with sketches or pictures of art I’ve done and writing about them. However, as life will be life, I often find myself including other things about my day in the handwritten part of this journal so, I decided as part of my art journal I would add in calendars. In the calendars I am including my work schedule and appointments, holidays and so forth which, in and of itself, is a sort of record keeping journal that can help explain my absence from creativity and handwriting in my journal.

I guess you could say it is a limited take on the bullet journal concept except I’m not tracking any bullet items. I tried that for almost a year and found it was too repetitive and too time consuming. It just took too much time away from the actual art I wanted to do. I suspect in time, this journal will start to include rough sketches of concepts I come up with which happens all too often and more often than not, get lost because I don’t put them down anywhere to be discovered later.

While working on the above ink drawing I was drawn towards a desire to use my paints. This is the result. The colors didn’t come out the way I had hoped they would, however, it did make me realize Christmas themes in the stores maybe having a subtle influence on me. I think its influence shows up in my color and shape choices. The center looks very much like a poinsettia, at least to me.

I knew I wanted some writing on this one but didn’t know what. A phrase came to mind just before bed so I wrote it down. It wasn’t until I was trying to figure out how to incorporate it into the page that I realized one letter would fit into each of the shapes. This was not planned. I love how this happens. I love when things just fall into place as if it had been painstakingly planned. It happens more often than anyone would think it would.

Because of my angst with the background and colors not working out the way I had hoped, I turned towards Life Book 2017, Week 29. I had recently watched the videos for week 29 so I went back to them to try out her technique for backgrounds. I had planned on doing the whole class but ended up with this page as a result. This girl insisted in being created upon this page after I had created the background using the technique from the class.

  

I first painted the background using pink and yellow. Once it was dry, using graphite pencil, I drew her face. When I had much of her face drawn in, I used white paint to fill in her face. I could still see some of the drawing underneath the white pain. I then when back over it with graphite pencil once the paint was thoroughly dry. Most of what you see here for her face is all graphite over white paint. I added a bit of color to her eyes and lips and only used black ink in the darker areas of her face where I needed deeper shading. Her headdress was done over the pink and yellow background and is mostly done in ink, and Prisma Premier colored pencils, with some white paint for highlights. Oh yes, and some what paint for highlights in her face and eyes.

I know a lot of the issues I have with faces is because I sit with my art pad/paper on my lap and tilted at an angle. This throws off the lines I draw for proportions and trying to get things straight. I don’t see it until I take a photograph. I did in fact do some adjustments on her before I did anything that was permanent but she is still a bit off kilter. I’m okay with that. The more I draw faces, the more I will improve and find ways to catch these things before I get too far and it is too hard to change it. I still love her and think she is beautiful.

I started to go on to Week 30 in the Life Book classes and actually watched the videos but then decided I hadn’t really done the lesson for Week 29. Not in the way it was meant to be done. I decided to go back and do it for real this time. The lesson is called “The Story Within”. The artist is France Papillon. Her lesson is more about creating an abstract image of your story, whatever that might be at the time you sit down to create an art journal page. This is what I created when I really focused on what I learned from her instruction:

The outer dark border was done digitally using Photoshop Elements 10. My page wasn’t dry enough yet to ink the outer edge so I did it digitally for the purpose of this post. I found myself surprised by how much I enjoyed the process of creating this page. When it was complete, I realized it very much represents where I am right now within my inner self and how I am connected to my past selves.

I often wonder whether I will remember what inspired me when I created a particular art journal page. This is why I started writing about what I create. This one in particular I want to remember so I wrote extensively about what it means to me. I keep two journals. One is handwritten and the other is digital. For about a year or so I was having wrist pain which limited my ability to keep a handwritten journal, therefore, to do the kind of writing I need to do, I started keeping a digital journal as well. Then I guess you could also include my blog as another type of journal. I still limit my handwriting because it can aggravate my wrist, so most of my journaling is done digitally. I miss doing it by hand though.

I am thrilled to be back using my paints again and mixing it up a bit with other art supplies. Adding texture and actual objects to my last page was more enjoyable than I had expected it to be. After thinking about it, I understand why. The objects have special meaning that brings the whole piece together. Before this, whenever I was following a class or trying to incorporate techniques of adding embellishments or found objects into something I was creating, there was no symbolism behind it. It was just something I added for no particular reason. With this page, each object, each splatter, each color was chosen to represent something meaningful to me while at the same time I was also trying some things out to see what would happen, and joyfully finding out, in all cases, what did happen, fit very well with what I was trying to create.

This is something I want to incorporate into my art practice every single day. I want what I create to have meaning to me. Up until now, if I sat down to draw a face, it was to just draw a face. If I sat down to draw a mandala, it was to just draw a mandala. If they came out good enough for me to be happy with what I did, then all the better but there was something missing. Each time I sat down to create something, I felt myself searching, trying to find something more, something to connect with. France Papillon’s class may have just helped me to figure out what that something is. Only time will tell if this is something that will stick with me.

That doesn’t mean I’ll be doing abstract art all the time. It just means, when I sit down to create, it will be with a different purpose in mind. It will be to find that story within, which needs to be told.

Ongoing progress…

It has been ten days since my last post. Time slips by in varying degrees of progression. Sometimes fast and sometimes not so fast. I’m finding it difficult to get back into the art courses I was taking before I started my new job. I know I’ll get back into them and possibly I’ll need to do it in stages by focusing on a course that is less complicated or more in line with what I want to develop. Basically, my focus since beginning my new job has been mandalas. They started out simple, or what I consider simple for myself and have gained in complexity. Today’s post is about the last two pages I have been working on.

This is a picture of the first one, which I believe I showed in my previous post.

For me this is more complex because it isn’t a single mandala and the mandalas are intersecting. I drew the circles first, then bisected them with the grid lines which I extended out past the furthest most circle to the edges of the paper or almost to the edges. Then I began adding patterns to the different sections. Once I was finished with the patterns I added bits of shading. Here is my progress so far, which I am not sure if it is complete at this stage or not but right now I feel no need to add anything more to it.

When I reached this point in this piece, I started another. The next one I started in my larger art journal. The page is probably twice the size of this one. I felt driven to go even more complex because the simple mandalas were no longer challenging to me. I have taken pictures of this one so far in my progression and it is not complete yet.

This is the first picture I took after I had all the inking done or at least almost done. there are two elements at the top and bottom which call to me to make it darker and add something to them. I am still contemplating what to do with them. This page is about 10 1/2″ x 14″.

I always start my drawings in pencil first, then I ink over them. Some of the elements and patterns added later are done in ink without any pencil. This challenges me to deal with whatever ends up on the page and accepting it as it is or finding ways to incorporate it. The triangles with the circular pattern in them is an example of this. I didn’t like the first one I did. If I had done it in pencil first I would have erased it and chosen something different. Doing it in ink first made me accept what I did and then work with it. I find I am liking them more so now after adding some of the darker elements to them.

These two pictures are the beginnings of adding shading using the warm shades of grey Prisma colored pencils in an attempt to achieve a 3D effect in the grid of the diamond shapes on the outer edge of the mandala.

As it happens when I start trying to create a certain effect, I don’t often see it as I’m working on it. Most times I have to step away from what I’m working on and come back to it a few minutes later in order to see if what I was doing actually created the effect I wanted to achieve.

The next two pictures are closeups of different parts of the page. I am still deciding what to do. Choosing to use colored pencils for the shading was a hard choice to make. I love my black and white ink work but this one is calling out to me to add color. So instead of using graphite for the shading I decided to use colored pencils.

When I look at this piece in it entirety so far, my imagination automatically adds color to various elements. How much color I will add, I am not sure of right now. I want to retain some black and white elements while others call for color.

Having reached this point today with this piece, I have found myself searching for what I’ll be working on next. Adding color will take some time and I know from experience I will want to work on something else as I take breaks from adding the color. This stage is more like coloring in a coloring book which for me doesn’t hold much interest. I’m slowly understanding why that is.

I thought at one time I would love working with colored pencils. However, I am learning something quite interesting about myself. I have always felt an affinity towards water. Therefore, it is not surprising to discover I love working with watercolors. Or using art supplies that can be manipulated by adding water. If I’m not using colored pencils with a liquid or wet product I find them uninspiring even though I can achieve interesting blending by using blending pencils, white or light colored pencils or blending stumps.

One of the other reasons colored pencils don’t appeal to me is they are hard on my wrist. Graphite pencils and ink pens are as well. I can do the work in stages with graphite and ink, whereas colored pencils, especially when coloring in a repeated pattern, I feel I need to complete all the same pattern in one sitting in order to achieve the same result. This can make my wrist very painful. Using brushes and watercolor or art supplies that can be manipulated with water requires a much lighter grip and therefore less stress upon my wrist.

As an artist, it is very frustrating to find myself limited or having to limit myself in order to avoid pain. It is compounded by the understanding that no one really knows what is causing the pain. At first my doctor thought it was a ganglion but the ultrasound disproved that. Then he thought it was arthritis but the x-rays results indicate my bones are healthy with no sign of arthritis. I was sent to a physiotherapist when my doctor then thought it was tendonitis. My physiotherapist feels it isn’t tendonitis and maybe arthritis even though my x-rays show no sign of it. I am hoping over time it will get better and the pain will go away. I take frequent breaks when I’m using a pen or pencil type object and the pain starts. I used to push through the pain and continue working but, that seems to just make it worse so now frequent breaks will have to suffice. Which is why, adding color to this last mandala page will take time and I will find something else to work on when I need to take breaks.

I look at my watercolor facial features study and I want to do more of them or work on watercolor portraits. I showed these in an earlier post and often find myself revisiting them as I have them on display on my mantle.

I find myself hesitant on trying this again or trying a portrait. It is silly to be so afraid of doing something because I’m afraid I won’t be able to repeat what I did before or do something as well as I did before. I sometimes feel like this was a fluke because it was my first in doing facial features in watercolor. In fact, it was my first real attempt at doing anything conceivably realistic in watercolor. It is ridiculous though to feel this way, because I took a break of days if not a week between a couple of these and I was still able to reproduce what I had learned.

I have this strange fear of experimenting with anything, of doing anything remotely creative with art supplies in which I have not already seen someone else do. Even then because it is all new to me, I have this irrational fear of something going terribly wrong. You would think my hands would fall off, or my arms would break or maybe I would go blind if I tried anything new and was not hugely successful at it. I have even let myself imagine just letting go and drawing a wonky face with eyes all askew just to get past this fear and yet I can’t seem to bring myself to do even that.

I am not sure if we develop a perfectionist personality from our environment growing up or if we are born with it. All I know is, I have a tendency to not do something out of fear of it not being perfect when I’m done with it. When I think about it, I have flashes of memory from my childhood of when I didn’t do something well enough to satisfy a parent or someone important to me. Perfectionism is a killer of creativity. Getting past it is a struggle every single time I try to pick up a tool to create something. It infects every part of my life and keeps me from progressing… IF I ALLOW IT….

I HAVE TO MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION EVERY MOMENT IN EVERYTHING I DO TO NOT ALLOW THIS PERFECTIONIST MENTALITY TO GET IN MY WAY OF MOVING FORWARD. It is my hope, my next post will be a post about drawing portraits and the next one after that, in doing them in watercolor. I do however retain the right to change my mind and allow myself to be inspired by whatever seems right for the moment.

Tarot, Quirky Bird, and Stillness…

When thinking about today, my first thought was that I hadn’t accomplished anything. Then I was struck by what lay in front of me. I had three, yes, three completed pieces of art. Completed today.

Isn’t it funny how our minds trick us? I woke this morning with one thought on my mind and that was to work on the next lesson in Pull, Pen, Paint. When the evening came to a close and I had not worked on it, I immediately rated the day as a failure and tried to convince myself I hadn’t accomplished anything.

Only one of the pieces of art in front of me had been on my list of things to do today. After reading a post last night about creating a Tarot Journal and why the author also creates a sketch to go with the Tarot card, I changed my mind on what I would do in my Tarot Journal.  I decided to also create a sketch. I know this can be challenging for me. When I first thought about it, I thought there was no way I could create an accurate sketch of the Tarot card. Then I realized it doesn’t have to be of the whole card. I could pick out what resonated strongly with me and incorporate it into a sketch. In doing so, I hope to make a meaningful connection with the card and eventually the whole deck.

Here is my first entry in my Tarot Journal, a journal meant for studying each of the cards. I will use a Tarot Diary for recording any readings I choose to do. My first entry is of the Ace of Wands:

I made some choices. The ink I will use will be the color which is representative of the suit. In this case, the color for the suit of Wands is red, so I used red ink in journaling about the card. I also decided to include a small picture of the card. This way, I can look at the image along with the artwork to get a better feel for the card whenever I need to review my journal entry.

For me, the wand stood out from everything else, probably just as it should. Even so without looking at the image of the card, I remember there are hands on either side of the wand in a position of protection and reverence.

I’m not doing a Tarot card pull and then studying the card I pull. I am going systematically through the deck to learn each card in the order they are in the guide book (I’m using the Easy Tarot Gilded deck). This way I’ll journal about them in their suits and my journal will have them in logical groupings, which satisfies my very logical mind, for when I might want to add more to my journal for a particular card or just look up my journal entry for a particular card.

The second thing I did was watch the recording of a live stream of Tamara Laporte. She does some amazing whimsical artwork. Her live stream is public on her Facebook  page if you are interested in watching it. While I watched, I arted along with her. Here is what I created:

I didn’t use the same supplies she did. I just improvised with my supplies of Art Crayons, White Acrylique paint, Prisma Premier Color Pencils, black Sakura Gelly Roll pen and Signo White Pigment Ink pen. Oh and Uniball Gold gell pen.

This technically is my first quirky bird as Tamara calls them. I love her style, although I don’t think her style is anything close to my style. I do love the freedom I feel when drawing whimsical people and animals. It helps alleviate the feelings I get about being perfect when I’m doing art.  Learning in this way first, has helped me to feel freer when attempting realism.

The next thing I did was complete a journal spread I had started a couple days ago. This one was in response to Journal52 prompts. I’m woefully behind on the prompts but I’m not worrying about it. Having them available to work on for fun, is great for those times I want a break from some of the classes I’m taking. This one was for week 8. The prompt was Stillness, here is my journal spread:

I started this by using Craft Smart acrylic paint and just finger painting. No brushes, just my fingers, for the sky, grass, flower and bee. Next, I did the words with a Permapaque Pigment Marker. I then embellished the bee, flower and water drop using Prisma Color pencils.

All three of these were completed after my daughter and I went out and ran errands today. Renewing my car insurance was top on the list, then groceries. We didn’t get home until around 4:30pm.

Prior to going out, I had spent some time writing my morning pages, and watching some videos on art but mostly one on organizing art supplies. I’m in much need of organizing things around my house and need to do so on a shoestring budget so I’m trying to find ways to organize and create neat storage using what I have already around the house. It is rather challenging to say the least.

Now, back to what I didn’t do. I really wanted to do the next lesson for Pull, Pen, Paint. I had tried last night to do it. In fact, I tried at least 3 different times. A portion of the lesson is a meditation and last night every time I tried, I fell asleep and would wake up, finding out I had missed a major portion of the meditation, so I would start it over again, to only have it happen again.

Let me explain something. Yesterday, I had an upper cervical adjustment. Whenever I have them, I generally feel very tired later after I’m home and take a moment to relax. This is what was happening with the medication. I would become so relaxed, I would fall asleep. I finally gave up and went to bed with the intent of doing the lesson today.  That, as you have read, didn’t happen.

I’m okay with that. I don’t have to be on a set time schedule. The course is available until the end of the year, so I have time. And once I re-evaluated what I had done today, I gave my inner critic a virtual bitch slap for trying to deceive me into believing I hadn’t accomplished anything today.  Quite the contrary. I was quite prolific in my accomplishments.

These are things our inner critic just loves to do to us. It is all supposed to protect us from the unseen horrors of our life. Even now, I can hear her telling me, the poem I wrote on my Stillness art journal spread is crap. It doesn’t follow the rules of a haiku so it isn’t a haiku.  I try to tell myself, I don’t care. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

The important thing is, I’m doing my daily art practice. And, I’m learning. As I practice, as I learn, as I get better, that voice, that inner critic, isn’t quite so loud, doesn’t speak as often. And sometimes, sometimes she even applauds what I do.

~Patti