The completion, a new beginning and hope for a new connection…

My focus comes and goes in regards to my art. It is just about 5 days short of a month since my last post and I haven’t felt like I accomplished anything even though that isn’t really true.  It is difficult to remain focused when it feels like the world around me is falling apart. This is what prompted my latest art journal spread. I wrote a bit about it in my previous post when I started it and it has taken me almost a month to complete it. Here is the completed spread:

The flowers are a collage of flowers from napkins. I added a bit of white acrylic paint for highlights on them and her hair and face. I added more layers to her face to create more depth. Most of it is watercolor, some of it is mixed with white acrylic paint. I didn’t make any notes on the process and because of the frame of mind I’ve been in over the past month, I don’t remember the different steps I took.

On a previous spread, I had tried to work with watercolors similar to CeeCee in her videos but it came out just looking splotchy. I let it sit while I worked on the above spread and returned to it after it was completed.

To try and create a background on which I could work on because the current background was too bold, I used white acrylic paint with a really wet brush and brushed it over the watercolor. In the image on the left, you can get an idea of what the background looked like after it dried and the sketch I did on one side of the spread.

The next image is of the whole spread, after I started adding color. I started with the Elegant Writer pen and using a water brush to blend it out to create some shadow. I wasn’t happy with it so I decided to try watercolor. I am often surprised how well watercolor (Prang) works over the white acrylic paint that is painted over a watercolor layer. Because I use a really wet brush with acrylic paint, the watercolor layer reactivates a bit, so what happens is the watercolor mixes a bit with the acrylic paint. The acrylic paint I use is a really cheap white paint from the dollar store. Maybe that is why using watercolor on top of it after it is dry, works so well. The water and watercolor doesn’t bead up when applying over the dried layer. I really love that it works that way. I know people say that using watercolor on top of dried acrylic doesn’t work very well and maybe a layer of watercolor ground would be needed but not in this case.

The puppy on the right side appeared to me from the shapes in the background. I drew the outline of the puppy first before sketching a face. I make decisions as I go, so at this point, I have no idea where this will go, other than I’ll probably continue to use the same process of Elegant Writer and then watercolor mostly so it will appear cohesive. I am leaning towards using the same colors throughout but we’ll see what happens.

The below image is something I am working on periodically. It started with spraying the page with watered down acrylic paint and Tulip Fabric Dye. Some of my spray bottles are slightly clogged which creates the larger splatters. Once it was dry, I used my compass with a pencil and drew overlapping circles. I am currently coloring in the shapes using Prisma Premier Colored pencils. Other than selecting the colors to use in a shape, the choice of shape to use the colors in, is fairly random. Where this will go from here is anyone’s guess.

To elaborate a bit on what I wrote about in the first paragraph, I’ll mention a bit about my life. Right now it feels like it is in shambles if I’m given any time at all where I can sit still to reflect upon my life. Being laid off work over two years ago is still affecting me. It has been extremely difficult to find a job that will pay enough to pay my bills without having to pull from my retirement money. This leaves me frightened as to what will happen when that money runs out. Focusing on art is difficult at best with this always hovering over me.

Sometimes, life has a way of reminding us of things we need to pay attention to. In my job search, I remembered the saying that goes something like this which is credited to Albert Einstein “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. When I remembered this, I realized that is what I was doing in my job hunting. With that in mind, I started taking a bookkeeping course so I could add it to my resume and hopefully provide some credentials which will come to someone’s notice when applying for jobs. I hoped too that doing this on my own would show a future employer of my willingness to expand my skills and I have the initiative to do so on my own.

I am about half way through the bookkeeping course and have enjoyed every minute of it. In fact, I was running so high on the enjoyment and excitement of doing something that quite frankly excited my brain cells that at the half way point when I decided to give myself a couple days off, I dropped so suddenly, it was hard to recover. Now I’m taking it at a much better pace while still enjoying what I’m learning.

The hardest thing for me to do is to find enjoyment in life when I have pressing concerns weighing me down. I find it very difficult to focus on my art when I am in such a state of mind. I have read some people say how art helps them through times like this. I think it does for me as well, at least when I am able to set my concerns aside and let myself sink into my art. I’m working on trying to find ways to do that more often. I know it would help tremendously if I were able to find that one job which would provide not just the financial relief I need but also create a connection which would bring meaning back into my life. I applied for one job which I hope will do just that because it would help me support alternative learning for those who want a better way of life. What could be more meaningful than that for someone who loves learning and sharing what they learn?

 

Whoo Hooo…..

I’m finally back to exploring some art classes and using my paints. I feel like I’ve been separated from my paints for too long. It has, however, been a good break. I was able to explore using inks in Inktober so that was good.

I haven’t gotten much further with my last ink drawing. Here is my progress so far:

This one is taking a while which I don’t mind. I would rather take my time than rush through something and be unhappy with the results. That isn’t to say I’ll be happy with the results when I take my time but at least I know I will have given it my full attention. There is nothing worse than completing a project and knowing I could have done better if I hadn’t rushed through it.

This journal first started out to be just about my art with sketches or pictures of art I’ve done and writing about them. However, as life will be life, I often find myself including other things about my day in the handwritten part of this journal so, I decided as part of my art journal I would add in calendars. In the calendars I am including my work schedule and appointments, holidays and so forth which, in and of itself, is a sort of record keeping journal that can help explain my absence from creativity and handwriting in my journal.

I guess you could say it is a limited take on the bullet journal concept except I’m not tracking any bullet items. I tried that for almost a year and found it was too repetitive and too time consuming. It just took too much time away from the actual art I wanted to do. I suspect in time, this journal will start to include rough sketches of concepts I come up with which happens all too often and more often than not, get lost because I don’t put them down anywhere to be discovered later.

While working on the above ink drawing I was drawn towards a desire to use my paints. This is the result. The colors didn’t come out the way I had hoped they would, however, it did make me realize Christmas themes in the stores maybe having a subtle influence on me. I think its influence shows up in my color and shape choices. The center looks very much like a poinsettia, at least to me.

I knew I wanted some writing on this one but didn’t know what. A phrase came to mind just before bed so I wrote it down. It wasn’t until I was trying to figure out how to incorporate it into the page that I realized one letter would fit into each of the shapes. This was not planned. I love how this happens. I love when things just fall into place as if it had been painstakingly planned. It happens more often than anyone would think it would.

Because of my angst with the background and colors not working out the way I had hoped, I turned towards Life Book 2017, Week 29. I had recently watched the videos for week 29 so I went back to them to try out her technique for backgrounds. I had planned on doing the whole class but ended up with this page as a result. This girl insisted in being created upon this page after I had created the background using the technique from the class.

  

I first painted the background using pink and yellow. Once it was dry, using graphite pencil, I drew her face. When I had much of her face drawn in, I used white paint to fill in her face. I could still see some of the drawing underneath the white pain. I then when back over it with graphite pencil once the paint was thoroughly dry. Most of what you see here for her face is all graphite over white paint. I added a bit of color to her eyes and lips and only used black ink in the darker areas of her face where I needed deeper shading. Her headdress was done over the pink and yellow background and is mostly done in ink, and Prisma Premier colored pencils, with some white paint for highlights. Oh yes, and some what paint for highlights in her face and eyes.

I know a lot of the issues I have with faces is because I sit with my art pad/paper on my lap and tilted at an angle. This throws off the lines I draw for proportions and trying to get things straight. I don’t see it until I take a photograph. I did in fact do some adjustments on her before I did anything that was permanent but she is still a bit off kilter. I’m okay with that. The more I draw faces, the more I will improve and find ways to catch these things before I get too far and it is too hard to change it. I still love her and think she is beautiful.

I started to go on to Week 30 in the Life Book classes and actually watched the videos but then decided I hadn’t really done the lesson for Week 29. Not in the way it was meant to be done. I decided to go back and do it for real this time. The lesson is called “The Story Within”. The artist is France Papillon. Her lesson is more about creating an abstract image of your story, whatever that might be at the time you sit down to create an art journal page. This is what I created when I really focused on what I learned from her instruction:

The outer dark border was done digitally using Photoshop Elements 10. My page wasn’t dry enough yet to ink the outer edge so I did it digitally for the purpose of this post. I found myself surprised by how much I enjoyed the process of creating this page. When it was complete, I realized it very much represents where I am right now within my inner self and how I am connected to my past selves.

I often wonder whether I will remember what inspired me when I created a particular art journal page. This is why I started writing about what I create. This one in particular I want to remember so I wrote extensively about what it means to me. I keep two journals. One is handwritten and the other is digital. For about a year or so I was having wrist pain which limited my ability to keep a handwritten journal, therefore, to do the kind of writing I need to do, I started keeping a digital journal as well. Then I guess you could also include my blog as another type of journal. I still limit my handwriting because it can aggravate my wrist, so most of my journaling is done digitally. I miss doing it by hand though.

I am thrilled to be back using my paints again and mixing it up a bit with other art supplies. Adding texture and actual objects to my last page was more enjoyable than I had expected it to be. After thinking about it, I understand why. The objects have special meaning that brings the whole piece together. Before this, whenever I was following a class or trying to incorporate techniques of adding embellishments or found objects into something I was creating, there was no symbolism behind it. It was just something I added for no particular reason. With this page, each object, each splatter, each color was chosen to represent something meaningful to me while at the same time I was also trying some things out to see what would happen, and joyfully finding out, in all cases, what did happen, fit very well with what I was trying to create.

This is something I want to incorporate into my art practice every single day. I want what I create to have meaning to me. Up until now, if I sat down to draw a face, it was to just draw a face. If I sat down to draw a mandala, it was to just draw a mandala. If they came out good enough for me to be happy with what I did, then all the better but there was something missing. Each time I sat down to create something, I felt myself searching, trying to find something more, something to connect with. France Papillon’s class may have just helped me to figure out what that something is. Only time will tell if this is something that will stick with me.

That doesn’t mean I’ll be doing abstract art all the time. It just means, when I sit down to create, it will be with a different purpose in mind. It will be to find that story within, which needs to be told.

Tarot, Quirky Bird, and Stillness…

When thinking about today, my first thought was that I hadn’t accomplished anything. Then I was struck by what lay in front of me. I had three, yes, three completed pieces of art. Completed today.

Isn’t it funny how our minds trick us? I woke this morning with one thought on my mind and that was to work on the next lesson in Pull, Pen, Paint. When the evening came to a close and I had not worked on it, I immediately rated the day as a failure and tried to convince myself I hadn’t accomplished anything.

Only one of the pieces of art in front of me had been on my list of things to do today. After reading a post last night about creating a Tarot Journal and why the author also creates a sketch to go with the Tarot card, I changed my mind on what I would do in my Tarot Journal.  I decided to also create a sketch. I know this can be challenging for me. When I first thought about it, I thought there was no way I could create an accurate sketch of the Tarot card. Then I realized it doesn’t have to be of the whole card. I could pick out what resonated strongly with me and incorporate it into a sketch. In doing so, I hope to make a meaningful connection with the card and eventually the whole deck.

Here is my first entry in my Tarot Journal, a journal meant for studying each of the cards. I will use a Tarot Diary for recording any readings I choose to do. My first entry is of the Ace of Wands:

I made some choices. The ink I will use will be the color which is representative of the suit. In this case, the color for the suit of Wands is red, so I used red ink in journaling about the card. I also decided to include a small picture of the card. This way, I can look at the image along with the artwork to get a better feel for the card whenever I need to review my journal entry.

For me, the wand stood out from everything else, probably just as it should. Even so without looking at the image of the card, I remember there are hands on either side of the wand in a position of protection and reverence.

I’m not doing a Tarot card pull and then studying the card I pull. I am going systematically through the deck to learn each card in the order they are in the guide book (I’m using the Easy Tarot Gilded deck). This way I’ll journal about them in their suits and my journal will have them in logical groupings, which satisfies my very logical mind, for when I might want to add more to my journal for a particular card or just look up my journal entry for a particular card.

The second thing I did was watch the recording of a live stream of Tamara Laporte. She does some amazing whimsical artwork. Her live stream is public on her Facebook  page if you are interested in watching it. While I watched, I arted along with her. Here is what I created:

I didn’t use the same supplies she did. I just improvised with my supplies of Art Crayons, White Acrylique paint, Prisma Premier Color Pencils, black Sakura Gelly Roll pen and Signo White Pigment Ink pen. Oh and Uniball Gold gell pen.

This technically is my first quirky bird as Tamara calls them. I love her style, although I don’t think her style is anything close to my style. I do love the freedom I feel when drawing whimsical people and animals. It helps alleviate the feelings I get about being perfect when I’m doing art.  Learning in this way first, has helped me to feel freer when attempting realism.

The next thing I did was complete a journal spread I had started a couple days ago. This one was in response to Journal52 prompts. I’m woefully behind on the prompts but I’m not worrying about it. Having them available to work on for fun, is great for those times I want a break from some of the classes I’m taking. This one was for week 8. The prompt was Stillness, here is my journal spread:

I started this by using Craft Smart acrylic paint and just finger painting. No brushes, just my fingers, for the sky, grass, flower and bee. Next, I did the words with a Permapaque Pigment Marker. I then embellished the bee, flower and water drop using Prisma Color pencils.

All three of these were completed after my daughter and I went out and ran errands today. Renewing my car insurance was top on the list, then groceries. We didn’t get home until around 4:30pm.

Prior to going out, I had spent some time writing my morning pages, and watching some videos on art but mostly one on organizing art supplies. I’m in much need of organizing things around my house and need to do so on a shoestring budget so I’m trying to find ways to organize and create neat storage using what I have already around the house. It is rather challenging to say the least.

Now, back to what I didn’t do. I really wanted to do the next lesson for Pull, Pen, Paint. I had tried last night to do it. In fact, I tried at least 3 different times. A portion of the lesson is a meditation and last night every time I tried, I fell asleep and would wake up, finding out I had missed a major portion of the meditation, so I would start it over again, to only have it happen again.

Let me explain something. Yesterday, I had an upper cervical adjustment. Whenever I have them, I generally feel very tired later after I’m home and take a moment to relax. This is what was happening with the medication. I would become so relaxed, I would fall asleep. I finally gave up and went to bed with the intent of doing the lesson today.  That, as you have read, didn’t happen.

I’m okay with that. I don’t have to be on a set time schedule. The course is available until the end of the year, so I have time. And once I re-evaluated what I had done today, I gave my inner critic a virtual bitch slap for trying to deceive me into believing I hadn’t accomplished anything today.  Quite the contrary. I was quite prolific in my accomplishments.

These are things our inner critic just loves to do to us. It is all supposed to protect us from the unseen horrors of our life. Even now, I can hear her telling me, the poem I wrote on my Stillness art journal spread is crap. It doesn’t follow the rules of a haiku so it isn’t a haiku.  I try to tell myself, I don’t care. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

The important thing is, I’m doing my daily art practice. And, I’m learning. As I practice, as I learn, as I get better, that voice, that inner critic, isn’t quite so loud, doesn’t speak as often. And sometimes, sometimes she even applauds what I do.

~Patti